My parents started a small-town veterinary clinic in the lower levels of our family home when I was one year old (think All Creatures Great and Small). My father was the veterinarian, my mother the office administrator and self-trained veterinary assistant, my siblings and I were the always-around junior assistants. Growing up in the vet clinic, I was immersed in the overlapping worlds of animals and humans. Throughout my childhood I assisted my dad by holding cow tails, horse reins, and IV drips. My siblings and I kept puppies and kittens warm after late night emergency C-sections. I learned how to calm hospitalized animals in order to clean their kennels. I accompanied my father on farm calls and listened with rapt attention as he described his emergency calls for exotic species at the zoo. My family inherited and raised dogs, cats, pigs, and a parrot that were abandoned by their owners at the clinic, which undoubtedly contributed to my passion for feral cats.
Through observing the way my father worked, I learned how to care for animals and support their healing by utilizing calm confidence. “One of the most important aspects of my work,” my dad shared when I discussed this article with him, “was to steadily calm and relax myself into a state such that my heart rate slowed and showed no sign of tension, which the animals could sense, sometimes at great distances.” Conversely, no matter the species my dad was examining (horses in particular, he notes), if he exhibited anxiousness during the exam, the animals’ fear response would escalate.
My father’s approach to veterinary care demonstrated to me early on the human-animal bond as well as the bi-directional impact of human-to-animal nervous system states. For example, a physically relaxed human nervous system (steady breathing, fluid movements, soft voice) is more likely to result in a relaxed response from an animal (at ease, curious, responsive). Similarly, when animals exhibit signs of a relaxed and regulated nervous system, a human’s nervous system relaxes as well. Over time, I noticed a reciprocal dynamic related to the human-animal bond: when humans offer care and positive attention, animals reciprocate with a grounding and steadying presence and vice versa.
The Human-Animal Bond
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, the human-animal bond is “a mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship between people and animals that is influenced by behaviors considered essential to the health and well-being of both. This bond is beneficial to the mental, physical, and social health of people and animals.”
Those of us who share our lives with animals likely recognize the unique mental, physical, and social health benefits of the human-animal bond. Our pets, in addition to being cute and cuddly companions, provide us with key capacities we need that can, at times, be difficult to find when relating to other humans: for example, unconditional love, playfulness, undivided attention, an exercise buddy, and constant excitement at reuniting with us.
“The value of the human-animal bond is reflected in the amount that people are willing to pay to care for and to prolong their pets' lives,” my dad commented. “Recently, I’ve made note of increased preventative medications, higher quality pet food, safety equipment, outdoor wear, and advancing medical care and improved end of life options for pets. In the process we have extended the predicted length and quality of life for our animal friends.”
The depth of the human–animal bond often becomes most evident in loss. The death of a pet can bring profound, disorienting grief, reflecting the strength of that attachment. Recent research shows that a pet’s death can even lead to Prolonged Grief Disorder, with symptoms comparable to human loss, with 21% of the research participants finding their pet’s death to be more distressing than human loss.1
Research on the impact of animals on human mental health and well-being is also well established and continues to expand. In preparing this article, I reviewed numerous scientific studies published over the past two decades, examining human interactions with a range of animals ranging from dogs to donkeys. Collectively, this body of work on the human–animal bond suggests that positive relationships with animals have copious benefits including improved mindfulness and self-esteem; reductions in stress, fear, and anxiety responses; healthy childhood attachment behavior; and measurable physiological benefits, including lower heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels. When discussing the research with my father, he said, “It’s not surprising to me that studies are showing the benefits of pets on people’s mental health. I think we are all aware of how intense the human-animal bond is and always has been. People turn to animals to be their companions; they love their pets and trust them to help them with their mental health and their physiological regulation.”
Human-Animal Co-Regulation
Over the past decade while studying nervous system regulation, I came to learn that the human-human, animal-animal, human-animal nervous system influence has a name: “co-regulation.” Co-regulation is the process by which one individual’s calm, regulated nervous system helps stabilize and soothe another’s physiological and emotional state through presence and connection.
Humans and other animals are neurobiologically wired for co-regulation to survive as, historically, survival depended on connection rather than isolation. This concept makes sense if we think about human communities and animal packs being more likely to survive together than alone. Human and animal nervous systems evolved such that we downregulate (calm) in the presence of trusted others and become more alert (upregulate) when alone. Co-regulation helps us to conserve energy when we feel safely connected to others (humans or animals) and mobilizes to quickly expend energy in response to threat, making co-regulation a fundamental survival mechanism. Human-animal co-regulation has existed for ages; for example, dogs and horses resting around a fire with humans when safe, and dogs barking or horses spooking to alert the animal or human pack to an intruder.
In modern times, human–animal co-regulation occurs when we touch our pets, relax or play together, sync our breathing patterns, or simply hang. Co-regulation lowers the stress hormone cortisol as well as adrenaline, and increases release of the bonding and calming hormones oxytocin and dopamine. Over time, being soothed by an animal can strengthen a person’s capacity for self-regulation, making it easier to return to a regulated state even in the absence of the animal.
Co-Regulation in the Law
For attorneys and judges, co-regulation in professional settings can be difficult to access. The legal system is inherently adversarial; instead of coming together to “protect the pack,” lawyers representing opposing parties are pitted against each other. Similarly, judges are not in an optimal position to co-regulate with litigants. An adversarial environment keeps the nervous system in a prolonged state of activation, limiting opportunities for safe, supportive connection, and depleting energy reserves over time. Co-regulation with colleagues can also be challenging in the legal field, where the fast pace and constant demands of legal practice often leave little time or space to pause and connect in supportive ways that foster co-regulation.
Animals provide a straightforward trustworthiness that can be challenging to come by in the practice of law. “I’m often asked if it is not confusing that animals can’t tell you where they hurt,” my dad shared, “and I say quite the contrary. Animals tell the truth and they don’t tell me any lies about where they hurt or how they got into the position to hurt.” If only the same could be said for all of our clients and adverse parties!
Intentionally incorporating co-regulating experiences with animals can help counterbalance co-regulation challenges at work. Interactions with pets—whether during the workday at home (or in pet-friendly workplaces) or after hours—can support a return to nervous system regulation and physiological balance. In addition to decreasing cortisol and increasing the “happy hormone” oxytocin, positive human-pet interactions are associated with improved heart-rate variability and activation of the “rest and digest” parasympathetic nervous system.2
Five Tools to Deepen Co-Regulation with Your Pet
If you would like to improve your co-regulating skills and deepen your human-pet bond, you may enjoy practicing a few of the skills below, adapting as needed for your particular pet and their needs.
1. Full Presence—Sit for 5–10 minutes with your pet without your phone. Talk to your pet, snuggle your pet, or just be together. Notice your pet’s body language and tune into your own nervous system as you connect.
2. Soft Eyes—Let your eyes relax rather than focus sharply. Allow your peripheral vision to widen, soften the muscles around your eyes and forehead, and briefly meet your pet’s gaze with a gentle smile on your face. After a moment, look away naturally and then come back to a soft eye gaze. Notice if you or your pet looks away first.
3. Syncing Breath—Sit or lie near your pet and observe the pace of their breath. Gradually match your inhale and exhale to their rhythm, keeping your breathing steady and unforced; if appropriate, rest a hand on your chest and another on your pet to feel the cadence more clearly.
4. Follow their Cues—Observe your pet’s behavior and respond accordingly—join them on the floor if they settle nearby, engage if they initiate play, or give space if they move away. Let their pacing, energy level, and preferences guide the interaction without trying to redirect or override them.
5. “Borrow” their Calm—Keep a photo of your pet accessible or visualize a calm, enjoyable moment with them when your nervous system is dysregulated and you feel anxious, distracted, frozen, or collapsed. Focus on specific details of your pet, such as how they look at rest or the feeling of their presence. Sit with that image or feeling for a few moments and notice how it impacts your nervous system.
A note on dysregulation and meeting your pet’s needs: If your pet frequently appears anxious, reactive, or unable to settle, it may reflect unmet needs for movement, stimulation, or interaction, among other things. Attending to these needs through play, walks, or new experiences can improve their behavior while supporting your own need for breaks and reset. If challenges persist, working with a qualified trainer who understands co-regulation can help you and your pet communicate more clearly and establish more consistent signals of safety and often improve regulation on both sides.
Co-Regulating With Your Pet is a Transferable Skill
Being a calming presence for others is a core skill in both lawyering and judging, and one that we can foster with conscious intention. The more you practice regulating your own nervous system while co-regulating with your pet, the more readily those skills carry into your work and co-regulating with clients, colleagues, jurors, and judges. In that sense, the legal field has much to learn from the nervous system awareness and skills of veterinarians. We’re all animals after all!
If you would like to learn more about research on human-dog and cat relationships, The Pets and Wellbeing Study (PAWS) Program3 aims to be the world’s largest international study program into the impact of cats and dogs on human mental health and wellbeing, with research forthcoming. For recorded meditations with animal sounds, listen to these pet-inspired meditations.4 To learn more about the intersection of human, animal, plant, and ecosystem health, visit onehealthcommission.org.
Laura Mahr is a North Carolina and Oregon lawyer and the founder of Conscious Legal Minds LLC, providing well-being consulting, training, and resilience coaching for attorneys and law offices nationwide. Laura brings lived experience and compassion to thousands of lawyers, judges, and support staff each year in her writing, coaching, and CLE trainings. Her work is informed by 13 years of practice as a civil sexual assault attorney, 30 years as a teacher and student of mindfulness and yoga, and ten years studying neurobiology and neuropsychology with clinical pioneers. If you would like to learn more about how to bring The Science of Steady to your firm or organization or how to reclaim your health through nervous system regulation, contact Laura at consciouslegalminds.com.
Endnotes
1. bit.ly/4tCKFHa.
Important Notice
The North Carolina State Bar has recently launched a redesigned website to improve accessibility and navigation. If you experience any broken links or access errors, you may submit website feedback at: webmaster@ncbar.gov